Been so long now...

It's funny how it comes to light in a blinding flash, then makes you wonder if that's even what you've been wanting, or if what you want even matters. To walk so many dark paths for so long that you become acustomed to them, and so acustomed that you don't even really see what it is doing to you. It masks everything in a veil of shadows and obscurity, leaving only solid facades of a lie that serves to mask the greater changes. It's these changes we all seem to fear in our own way, as they work furiously beneath the skin as we would deny their existence.
I've only so recently found that my struggles have been in vain, as that which I had thought to be trying to consume me, has proven itself to be me. So strong and elaborate has this farse been, that it has even made a fool of me. There was something deep down that always knew, but persisted in denial, constructing elaborate schemes and explanations within my own mind. So it finally took others who cared and had concerns to express to bring me to the fore and show the solid reflection. The fragments dissolved and the darkness cleared to reveal something truly mortifying. So what is one to do when it becomes clear that such corruption was never being cast out, but instead, passed out?
I think of this and I begin to contemplate and reevaluate everything I've ever believed or dreamed of. My thoughts and ambitions come into play as well as my interactions with others. These thoughts are exciting and disturbing at the same time, as the future seems so bright, but yet another illusion. I've began to realize that I have seen much of my own future as well as several symbolic visions that made no sense before, but now I know. The only way I can describe it is the same way it feels when a belief born of the heart dies forever. It's that indescribable crushing feeling that wrenches your very soul and bleeds everything out of you. This is the feeling brought on when you see how alone you really are, and how false those close to you have portrayed themselves for their own reasons. This only amplified by the new realization that has come about only so shortly before... the realization that I must die alone, with no one by my side for the last moments. For all I am now compelled to do, this has become very clear. It's something that only the word devastation, and my own chosen path can justify.
At least, come the end, I will not feel it anymore.
This is no cry for sympathy, just something that needed to be out where the fewest look. The great shift is soon to come, and there are only a few ways I'll go. Of those ways, at least one will assure that I am not found again by those who would know me today.

First In Almost A Decade

For the first time in seven years, since my very first Valentine, I believe I have another. Things have just sort of worked out this way, and I'm actually going to let it. I don't know what to think, or do, or say, but I think I'll just go with it and let my soul do the talking.

The Art Of Understanding

If I could hold the wind
For just a moment
Within my steady hand
I could make you understand
I’ll never see the sky the same
Or conform to the current
Weighing you down
I would know you the subtle comfort
Of basking in the rain
And show you the lush green meadows
Beneath this dull-colored town

For through my eyes
You see foundations break
Concrete ways dissolve
As an equation that has been solved
This veil of darkness is my security
The rolling thunderstorms above
My fleeting madness
I fight so furiously against the wind
My eternal enemy
The sun is my burning disease
The twilight stars, my sparkling sadness

I stare intently into every space
To capture all it contains
I only look down to my soul
Perhaps asking a question of myself
Or simply maintaining control
For long before he was ever born
I so silently watched my child die
I relished in the absolute chaos
Every direction I had been torn
Yet so rarely found the tears to cry

If I listen attentively
To the running waters
I can hear the echoes of untold ages
As chiseled between the lines
On great, slate-quarried pages
I’ve found much more warmth in the cold
Where gently beating hearts
Can truly be appreciated
I’ve found much more peace of mind
In memories from days of old
When such differences were left unknown
And too far spread to be hated

Please try to understand
Only if you can
Simply being at home in the dark
Does not obstruct the path of light
Though I must admit
It is sometimes blinding
For from where I stand
It shines so bright

The Cold Blooded

We wear the dark so well
Facade without frontier
We kill the things inside ourselves
Never shed a tear
We embrace the cold
Cast it out
Chilling all about
We taint upon the tenderness
Reject without a doubt
Yet our heart's will cry and bleed
For everything we've lost
In the frigid arms of loneliness
We die
Without a cause

Blood Or Honor

Aaaah... Night and day, that, we are. Who is who and which is worse has yet to be seen. The time fast aproaches, as all the signs are beginning to show and make sense. The moon is high, and waxes strong... So the poisons flow as the tide.

Madness?

Well, tonight I put up more of the story. But for the moment, I've had an epiphany that I have to release, or at least something of it. Empathy!
It's all starting to become very clear and apparent to me. I've always had something going on with empathy, even from a young age. I thought I'd completely lost it over the years, but I think that's simply because my own issues overcast the fact that I might still be recieving problems from others. What I know of it is that some vague studies believe that some people are like human antenaes for emotions. Without so much as a look or a word, they can pick up on how others feel and perhaps even the reasons.
I was really good at this in my younger years. My mind was clear and pure of all thought, so it was easy for me to tell when things were wrong, and I always seemed to be able to guess why. It used to freak my mother out when I'd read through her. Anyway, I've been noticing an increase in this sort of activity now that my own problems don't concern me as much as they once did. It explains a lot about so many things, but I don't really have time to elaborate. All I know is that this is pretty crazy, but I also think that's why I have spells of schyzophrenia (sp?), paranoid delusions, and skewed realities. To me, something like this isn't that far of a stretch, considering wavelength patterns of the brain and their similarities to other forms of wavelength. They are, in effect, ways of transfering information. Typically it's only through the nervous system, but I do believe that they can be directed elsewhere or even recieved if the conditions are right. Of course, this is one thing I haven't had time yet to study, but in speculation I believe it's an accurate hypothesis. It would definitely explain some of the strange activity I experience, and how sometimes I feel like the weight of the world is pressing down on me when I don't have anything stressing me.
This is some weird stuff, but I think I need to put some time aside to look into it and observe it if it's anything.

Just Pondering...

Ok, so I'm going to do some more teasing because I don't feel like giving any more of the story yet. The next part that will be given is Yianni's story of Yoseph's love. But for now, I've worked out a preliminary list of what will come in the near to distant future. So you can chew on this for a day or two and perhaps ponder where these ideas will lead. Of course, I must leave a few things out for the sake of the story.

Darklore 1: Ascendants
Darklore 2: Awakening
Darklore 3: Dark Lords
Darklore 4: The Beginning Ends
Darklore 5: Exile
Darklore 6: Lost Civilization
Darklore 7: Dead Kings
Darklore 8: Infiltrators
Darklore 10: 21 Years of Darkness
Darklore 11: Deception
Darklore 12: The Last Year

I'm also going to include two relative mini-series. These are stories that I've had outlined and decided to work on in later years as I begin to finish this series.

21 Years of Darkness 1: No Strings Attached
21 Years of Darkness 2: Out of Shape
21 Years of Darkness 3: Pleasant Dreams

Chronicles of the Devil King 1: Demonseed
Chronicles of the Devil King 2: Dominions
Chronicles of the Devil King 3: The Witch King Comes

I also might do books or collections of short stories detailing the lives of the thirteen Dark Lords of Strigatta. Yes, there are thirteen all together (in that group) and they all have full histories, profiles, and personalities, as well as a collection of other characters that influenced their lives in some way to make them what they are in the present story. But then, nobody else knows what they are like in this story except for me. As a matter of fact, I think only two of them are even mentioned in this first installment of the story and I haven't posted that part yet. Oh well... it'll give you an idea on a couple of these characters and the things that influence them. You think a couple of these vamps are twisted? Wait til you're introduced to their fathers, or their fathers-fathers... now they are sick and vile things.